


feet off the ground

by lazy_daze



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: M/M, The X Factor Era
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-17
Updated: 2015-03-17
Packaged: 2018-03-18 08:20:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,672
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3562766
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lazy_daze/pseuds/lazy_daze
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>For the <a href="http://archiveofourown.org/collections/niamficexchangeroundtwo">Niam Fic Exchange Round 2</a>. Written for <a href="http://archiveofourown.org/users/asymmetric/pseuds/asymmetric">asymmetric</a>, for the prompt 'X Factor roomies'! :D :D Nervous silly kissing boys. I super apologise if I get any timelines or facts or whatever about X Factor bootcamp era wrong, as I certainly have; it's not my area of expertise. Also sorry they didn't get to sexytimes, they were just too cute and nervous :(</p>
            </blockquote>





	feet off the ground

**Author's Note:**

  * For [asymmetric](https://archiveofourown.org/users/asymmetric/gifts).



Liam's heart is beating too fast and he feels slightly sick, but he's felt that way since a week before his first audition, so he's sort of used to the feeling. Nerves about meeting his new roommate just blend into the nerves about everything else; he's sort of resigned to being a nervous wreck for the foreseeable future.

"Hi," he says sticking his hand out. "Uh, um, Liam."

The boy laughs and ignores Liam's hand entirely, tugs him in for a hug, the guitar slung over his shoulder banging against Liam's hip. Liam doesn't really return the hug, swallowing down a surprised noise, and after a few minutes the boy pulls back. Liam wants to smack himself - god, how fucking hard is it to just hug someone back? - but the boy doesn't look awkward or annoyed, just nods as he lets go and steps back a bit.

"Hi, Liam. I know who you are, your audition was sick, really good. I'm Niall."

Niall, right. Liam was pretty sure that was it, but he didn't want to say in case it was wrong and he made even more of an idiot of himself. Niall's grinning at him and Liam belatedly realises he'd complimented him.

"Oh, uh, thanks. I mean, I don't know. You seem - um, I've seen you around, you're - really good, with, like. The guitar." 

Niall nods at him slowly. God. 

Liam knows he's good, good enough to be here, when it comes to singing, but it's like everything he knows about talking to people has been pushed out of his head. He can, he _can_ talk to people, he has friends at school and everything, it's just - here. Here everyone's so bloody confident, even the people that aren't very good, and then Liam hates himself a bit for thinking like that and hates that he can't seem to find that confidence in himself and that he's working so hard on the singing but struggling so much with, well. Everything else.

"You alright, mate? You look a bit pale, like." Niall is still looking at him, but kindly, at least, not like Liam is the blithering idiot he feels.

"Yeah, sorry. Just nervous, I suppose."

"Ah, I feel you, mate. Feel like I'm constantly nervous, through this whole thing, y'know?" Liam nods eagerly, because _exactly_. Niall doesn't look it, though, looks easy and relaxed as he puts his guitar down by one of the beds and sprawls over the covers. "Nothing to be nervous about til tomorrow, though! Yes, freedom." He sits up and grins at Liam, who's still standing stiffly by the door like a lemon. "C'mon, want to sing for a bit? Like, no nerves, not even practising, just - for fun, like. Why we should do this in the first place, right?" He grabs his guitar. "What do you fancy?"

Liam bites his lip, and sits down on the opposite bed.

They end up spending the next two hours - when Liam was supposed to be unpacking, was supposed to be practicing his next song again, was supposed to be doing all sorts of things - just chilling out, Niall strumming out songs on the guitar and both of them singing, taking little breaks to chat and smile and laugh, and it doesn't even feel like a competition, it just feels fun. It's not until they notice they're going to be late for lunch that Liam even realises something - he's actually hungry. The constant nerves that have been making him feel sick almost constantly - he's been eating from habit and knowing that he has to more than having any sort of appetite - had totally faded while he was singing with Niall.

\--

Of course, they come flooding back once they head back out into the rest of the chaos of the world outside their room, all the boot camp contestants and the producers and cameras and everything. Down time for the competition, maybe, a whole day to settle in before people start getting kicked out again, but it's still a show, and they're still watching sharp-eyed for anything interesting. Liam doesn't think he has much more interesting to give to the cameras than his singing, and that too makes him nervous. It's the X Factor, right, it's more than just singing, it's having something more, and Liam worries every day that whatever that is, he doesn't have it. The only thing he knows how to do is work harder and be as good as he can possibly be.

It seems so easy for so many people there, just running around and having fun and talking to people they'd never met before and hamming it up for the cameras, and it makes Liam's stomach knot up even as they start eating. Even for Niall, it looks easy, and Niall had told him he was nervous, too, and yet he looks as happy as anything, making jokes and laughing and smiling at everyone around them while Liam sits awkwardly next to him, tearing at a sandwich. Maybe he should leave lunch early, try and find somewhere to practice. He finds he doesn't like Niall grinning at everyone and having fun, and he's jealous, but he can't really tell if he's jealous of Niall finding it so easy, or of everyone else getting Niall's attention, because having Niall smile at him and sing with him in the room had been really nice. He holds on to the memory of that calmness, and slips away from the cafeteria while Niall is talking to a group of people by the tea and coffee table.

There are a bunch of practice rooms with pianos in adjacent to the accommodation building, and you're supposed to book them out, the instructions had been in their welcome pack, but Liam find an empty one and slips in anyway. If someone comes along and wants to use it, he'll leave again.

He sits at the piano and fingers out a simple melody, but his hands are sweaty and he's not terribly good at the piano and every wrong note just stresses him out more, so he closes the lid with a huff and just closes his eyes and sings. 

He feels better immediately, knows he's good and knows he's got a good song, and he's really going for it, which is probably why Niall manages to slip in without him hearing. He opens his eyes after he holds the final note, then nearly has a fucking heart attack when he sees Niall leaning against the wall next to the door.

Niall grins and starts clapping. "So good, Liam! Crushing it!"

"You scared the absolute _shit_ out of me, Niall," gasps Liam weakly, feeling himself go red. "What are you - I mean, why--?"

Niall shrugs. "Saw you run off during lunch, wanted to see you were alright."

Liam goes red, again, or stays red. "Sorry." He didn't mean for Niall to worry about him. "I didn't - like, you didn't have to leave everyone. You can go back. I just need to, like, practice."

Niall frowns. "Nah, mate, you're my roommate, right? So we're friends. I want to make sure you're okay, so I came after you."

"Oh," says Liam, feeling weird, but - pleased, a little warm ball of it in his chest. "Uh, thanks. I'm okay. Just, you know." He makes an awkward little hand movement. "Nervous. Again. Still."

"I'm shocked, Liam," says Niall on an easy laugh. "C'mon. I know I can't exactly make you _not_ feel nervous, but it's better if we can distract each other a bit, like, innit?"

Liam feels himself go red again at that and he doesn't even know _why_. "Uh, yeah," he says.

Niall shakes his head. "Don't look so scared! Just - practice together, like. I know I'm nowhere near as good as you--"

"Oh, what, no--" Liam protests weakly, because somewhere in that selfish ambitious part of him, he knows Niall's right; but he also knows, in some way, that Niall's wrong, because when it comes to the X Factor - as a concept, not a competition - Niall has something. Something bright and likeable that drags people around him immediately.

"--but," says Niall, pointing at him, "I think you're gonna stress yourself to an early grave if you're left to your own devices. And I like you, when you're not turning yourself inside out, I don't want a dead roommate."

The little warm ball in his chest expands until he feels like he's glowing with it. "Um, okay," he says, grinning. "I mean, thanks."

They spend the rest of the afternoon practising, more focused than they'd been that morning, but it's still fun, and easy. They help each other, even though neither of them really know the technical words for stuff like the voice coaches do; they go over their performances and suggest things, and it feels like maybe one of the best days Liam's had on the X Factor so far. Either time.

Liam's just clapping another of Niall's run-throughs of his song, feeling pleased and relaxed all over, when the door to the practice room bursts open, and a grinning girl with spiky black hair bounds in. Liam feels himself tense up almost immediately, like all his good feeling is just leaking out the open door.

"Niall!" says the girl, pointing dramatically at him. "Here you are!" There's a camera crew lurking outside the door and Liam resists the urge to frown or fiddle with his hair.

"I can't believe you stood me up," says the girl, and Niall is laughing. "You promised me you were gonna start teaching me guitar this afternoon!"

Liam could swear he's never seen this girl before in his life, and Nialls already got, like. Plans with her. Something ugly and sharp wedges itself in his chest where the good feeling had been before, only growing bigger when Niall keeps looking at the girl, winking and laughing at her.

"Sorry, babe," he says. "Lost track of time with Liam here!"

The girl flicks Liam an uninterested look, and he returns it blandly.

"So can you teach me now?" she says, grinning. she's pretty, and confident, and Liam dislikes her intensely - alarmingly so, considering he doesn't know anything about her.

"Of course," says Niall grandly, standing up and offering her his arm. "Liam, do you mind if I--?"

"Whatever," says Liam, then swallows quickly. "I mean, course, no worries. I should probably like - unpack, anyway. See you at dinner?"

"Definitely," says Niall, already sweeping the girl out of the room, laughing in front of the cameras. Liam wants to be sick - again. The tight knot in his stomach takes up familiar residence.

He feels antsy and irritable all the way back to the room. Which is stupid - he's got plenty of practice in, he does need to unpack, and he can always practice on his own, anyway; he doesn't need Niall. It's nice with him there, grinning at him and making supportive or hilarious comments, sometimes just making Liam laugh and sometimes being surprisingly perceptive and making Liam really think about an aspect of his performance - it was nice, but it's not, like, necessary. Liam shouldn't care at all if Niall's gone off with some pretty girl, who he's smiling at like he did with Liam - it shouldn't matter at all, he never wants to be the kind of mate that would ruin his friend's chances with a girl, and--

"Oh," he says as he lets himself into their dorm room. He kicks the door shut and stands blankly in the middle of the room, then winds both his hands into his hair and closes his eyes. "Oh, no."

He has a crush on Niall. He absolutely has. It's in that warm giddy feeling in his chest and the way he feels when Niall smiles at him and how much he'd _hated_ seeing Niall flirt with that girl, and, oh, fuck. He does not have time for this. His heart is beating far too fast in his chest - even faster than his usual nervous state of anxiety allows for - and his little fingers feel tingly with shock. How had he missed this? He's not - he hasn't - he's never ever felt like this over a boy before, never looked at a boy and thought, _yes_. People at school had teased him for it - amongst many other things - and even though he'd known it was just cruel ignorant teasing, as if being gay was an insult in and of itself, a scared part of him had always thought, _well, at least they're wrong about that. They can't know me that well, they can't properly bully me for that, because I fancy girls_.

Maybe that had known something, after all. Liam hates that that makes him feel bad, because it's not - he knows it's not wrong or bad to be gay, but it's - he's. He's not. But. He's not straight, at least not right now, today, here, because he fancies a boy - he wants to kiss Niall, and the thought makes his belly flip so sudden and hot he actually feels his knees go weak, and he staggers over to sit on his bed, head still in his hands.

\--

At dinner, he sees Niall across the room, and his hands go sweaty. God. What with the nerves about the competition starting up again tomorrow combined with the paralyzing butterflies of a new crush, he feels like his body's ready to just fly apart. There's no way, no way he can sit with Niall for dinner, no way he can smile and act normal around him, not - not right now. He hides behind a boisterous group of lads about his age and does what he got used to doing at school when things were bad - makes himself invisible. It works - he can see Niall looking around for him, but Niall doesn't notice him, and Liam feels guilty and disappointed and like an idiot because he was _trying_ to make Niall not notice him, he's not allowed to be disappointed that Niall didn't see him, didn't look hard enough, or whatever.

He slips out of the cafeteria before Niall is finished, and finds his mercifully empty practice room. He sings and sings until he's worried he'll damage his throat if he sings any more, then stays in there for another hour for good measure, until a producer comes by clearing out all the rooms, telling everyone to get to bed.

Niall sits up in bed when Liam tiptoes into the room, and Liam's heart leaps up annoyingly into his throat. He's hyper aware of Niall in bed, right there, probably in, like, boxers and a t shirt, all soft and warm and right _there_.

"Hey," says Niall, flicking on the light by his bed. "You okay? I thought - I mean, like. Said we'd see each other at dinner, but. Didn't see you around."

Liam swallows his heart back down where it's supposed to belong and doesn't look at Niall sleepily squinting at him in the lamplight. "Sorry. Wanted to practise a bit more. Assumed you'd be - okay, like. With your other friends." God, he sounds like a jealous wife. He winces a bit and flicks a look at Niall.

Niall doesn't look annoyed, just sleepy, confused, and maybe a bit disappointed. "Yeah, but - wanted to sit with you, didn't I?" He shrugs. "Don't matter. Just, don't practice too much. Don't want to strain your voice."

Liam nod. "Yeah. Sorry. Thanks." He tugs at his t shirt awkwardly, goes red at the thought of undressing with Niall in the same rpom. He grabs his bag and drags it towards the bathroom with him. "Um. Night."

Niall just looks at him, doesn't comment about Liam being a fucking weirdo and taking his entire bag into the bathroom with him, then nods, and turns off the light. "Sleep well, mate."

\--

Liam sets his phone alarm under his pillow and sneaks out of the room before they get the wake up call. He steals breakfast - there are a few bleary-eyed other contestants dotted around the cafeteria, some looking like they haven't slept at all from nerves, some looking hungover, which, honestly - and Liam takes two croissants and a cup of orange juice and escapes to his now-favourite practise room. He doesn't even sing, just sits on the piano stool and eats. He knows he's being a moron - avoiding Niall is not going to help, and avoiding people in general is definitely not going to help, because people knowing who you are is almost as important to this competition as being a good singer - but he doesn't know what else to do. He feels like he can't, just _cannot_ face everyone, all the hordes of nervous, confident, loud, chaotic people, and Niall in the middle of them, when all Liam wants is for Niall to look at him and maybe reach out and smile and tug Liam in and-- 

Liam squeezes his eyes shut and forces another bite of croissant down, against the roiling of his stomach. He has an hour before they all need to be in the main auditorium. He can. He can do it. He can press it down. He can do what needs to be done. He just needs - a moment.

Liam barely remembers the morning, afterwards. He knows he went to the right place at the right time, knows he even gave a soundbite to a camera, smiling in the right places, talking about how excited he was to be here again, talking about how he couldn't wait to get up and sing, all the while acting like he wasn't a gibbering wreck underneath it all, jumping at shadows and anyone blonde who walked anywhere near him. God.

He sings, he somehow sings and sings well, and halfway through he remembers Niall applauding him and saying, _Sick!_ and thinks for a horrifying moment he's just going to blank out, but he keeps going, hears himself do _well_ , so well, and stumbles off stage on shaky legs. He gets through the cull, he's still in, and he finally lets himself look for Niall. 

Who is suddenly next to him, grinning. For a moment, all Liam can feel is a crashing wave of cool relief. He hugs Niall hard, and Niall is warm and slim and squirmy in his arms, and it's amazing and awful.

Liam realises he's full body hugging Niall, that it feels natural, and Niall pulls back, beams at him. His joy almost hurts to look at.

"Made it through, didn't I!" he exclaims. "Dunno how I swung it, but yes, get in!"

Liam shakes his head and grins. "Nah, cause you're good, mate," he says. "Dunno how I managed it, through I was gonna throw up beforehand."

"You were fucking awesome, Liam, made sure to watch you, you killed it. Knew you would," Niall says happily, then looks at Liam directly. "Gonna stop avoiding me now?"

Liam feels a bit dizzy for a moment. "I - I wasn't, I--"

Niall shakes his head. "You were, but s'okay. Know you're kind of neurotic about all this." Liam can't even feel offended, because Niall's grip is warm and affectionate on his arm. "Just, don't do it again, okay? Tomorrow's gonna be even more tough, and I could do with, y'know. Moral support."

Liam bits his lip. He wants to say, _haven't you got plenty of that?_ but the hordes of people usually around Niall don't seem to be there, and now Liam thinks of it, for all Niall seems like the king of boot camp, maybe being friendly with everyone maybe means you don't get to be proper friends with anybody.

He nods, ignores the soft quirk of Niall's pink mouth as he smiles. "Yeah. Yeah, sorry. I won't - run off."

\--

He tries to stick with it, he does, but the evening before the day, the last day, the day they know if they make it through to judges' houses, the day Liam will find out if he can even make it as far as last time or if he can't even manage that, and it's going to be so hard because there are so many good people in his category that are way more interesting than he is - god, that night. It's way too much. He can't deal with being around Niall, too, feels like he's just not strong enough to cope without doing something mad like hitting a wall or kissing Niall or bursting into tears. He tries to slip away after dinner again, grabs a bread roll and trots towards the practice rooms, but he feels a hand on his wrist. Niall tugs him to turn around.

"Where you going?" says Niall, obviously aiming for lighthearted, but there's something like hurt in his eyes.

Liam's chest hurts. "I - sorry," he says helplessly. Niall's hand is warm on his wrist, and he feels crazy with it. "I'm just - freaking out about tomorrow. Needed, like, some space."

"Well," says Niall, shrugging. "I need some company, so you're gonna have to deal with that." He starts tugging on Liam's wrist in the direction of their room, but gently enough Liam knows he could pull away and insist Niall leaves him alone, if he wanted to. He does want to. And he really doesn't want to.

"Okay," he says, because however this pans out - this might be his last night he gets to spend with Niall, ever. People mean well but he doubts Niall will want to properly keep in touch after this, and he doesn't think that they'll both of them get through, even if thats what he really truly wants. "Okay."

Niall doesn't let go of his wrist the whole way back to their room, and Liam's heart is pounding in his throat. He feels far too self conscious for the situation, because to anyone else it looks like nothing, and to Niall it's probably nothing, but to Liam, god. It feels a bit like he's almost holding hands with a boy, in public, and he has no idea how to deal with that, shaking his fringe forward to try and hide behind it as they pass people in the corridor, Niall shouting out greetings as they go.

"Fuck," says Niall, when they get inside and close the door. He drops Liam's wrist and it takes all Liam's willpower to not rub over the spot Niall's hand had been. "Crazy vibe around tonight, innit?"

"Yeah, " says Liam blankly. "I mean, yeah, I suppose everyone's - a bit nervous. Going a bit crazy with it."

Niall nods. "God knows I am," he says, blowing out a breath, and pacing aimlessly around the room. He looks properly nervous and unsettled for the first time since Liam's met him, and it makes Liam feel oddly better.

"Hey, it's alright," he says. "I mean, whatever happens, you've done really well. You should be proud."

Niall huffs out a laugh. "Easy to say, not so easy to feel, right?" But he looks over at Liam. "Thanks, though. You too, mate, honestly. Be a fucking shame if you don't get it, you're so good."

"I don't know," Liam mumbles. "Feel like I'm --" He twists his mouth.

"What?" says Niall. "You're amazing."

"Feel like I'm bit sorta - boring, you know. Can't make friends, and all, like you can and everyone seems to."

Niall frowns and walks across the room back to him. "S'bollocks that, mate! You've got an amazing voice, born popstar if anyone was, honestly."

"You too, though. Y'look like, you know. Like you're made for this."

Niall is still in front of him, and Liam's belly flips as he realises how close they are. He can smell Niall, from this close, his body heat and aftershave. He smells like a boy, but he also smells like something Liam _wants_ , and he inhales a shaky breath.

Niall just looks at him, without saying anything, then runs a hand through his hair, one that's shaking visibly.

"God," says Niall. "Liam."

"Mmhuh?" says Liam intelligently.

"Thinking, like. You - we - I, ugh." He shakes his head. "I think you're gonna do yourself a mischief if I let you worry about the competition all evening, so, like." He shrugs. "Wanna do something to, like. Distract ourselves?"

Liam frowns. He has no idea what Niall is talking about. "I, uh. Yeah? But like--"

His words are cut off by Niall tipping forward and kissing him. His lips are soft and insistent, then he pulls back before Liam can do anything at all.

"Um, ha," he says. "That. But I mean - we don't have to, but I thought - maybe--"

"I fancy you," Liam blurts out immediately, then puts his fingers to his mouth. "I mean--"

Niall grins, though, looking relieved, eyes bright and mouth still so pink. "Ah, well, s'good, innit? Was hoping that when I kissed you. Was pretty sure you weren't gonna punch me, like, but."

"No, I mean, like," says Liam, wanting Niall to understand. "I fancy you, and it's been - making me feel a bit mad, you know? Why I was avoiding you. Felt like I couldn't deal with the nerves of the competition _and_ fancying you. Felt like I might, just --" he makes an expansive gesture. "Fly apart."

"Mate, says Niall, looking at him carefully, sort of fondly. "Should've just said."

"Well, like you said, I didn't think you would but you still might've punched me," says Liam. "And, like. I've never - god. I've never fancied, um - fancied a boy, before." He goes red just saying it, it seems _crazy_ , but it's true and it feels okay, too. "I have no idea what I'm doing."

"Ain't that different from fancying a girl, really," says Niall. "'Cept some people might be weird about it, but fuck 'em." He bites his lip, and Liam's eyes drop helplessly to it. "So--?"

"So, um," says Liam, heart pounding fast and hard, but - actually in a pleasant way, for once, the good kind of nerves; the dancing butterflies, not the churning nausea. He grins, probably looking like an idiot, but it feels good. "So yeah, we can - distract. Each other, like."

"Okay," says Niall, and grins right back at him, the two of them just smiling dopily at each other, then he steps abruptly closer in. His mouth lands on Liam's and his hands settle on Liam's waist, and Liam makes an involuntary noise right into Niall's mouth.

Niall grins. "Barely even touched you, yet," he say, lips brushing Liam's. Goosebumps shiver down Liam's neck and he just leans in that last little centimetre to kiss Niall properly.

They're both unsure, at first a chaste, gentle rub of lips, before Niall gets bold and opens his mouth, touches his tongue to the swell of Liam's bottom lip. Liam's mouth opens immediately helplessly, and Niall licks inside. God, god, Liam has a boy's tongue in his mouth, Niall's tongue in his mouth, and it feels so amazing, like his whole body is fizzing and light. Liam presses his own tongue in, slides it against Niall's in a wet slow rub that has the hairs on the back of his neck standing up, and they just - keep kissing, slower and deeper, getting faster, then slowing down, until Liam's lips feel swollen and slightly numb in the best possible way. Niall pulls back; his face is blurry this close up, just blue eyes and red mouth and wisps of blonde hair in the corner of Liam's eye.

"Whatever happens tomorrow," says Niall fiercely. "Whatever happens, we'll be fine. Individually we'll be fucking great, because we are fucking great, and together - together, like. We'll be fine."

"I'm not gonna forget you or ignore you," says Liam, sincerity bubbling up, and maybe he should be embarrassed, because they've only just kissed, but he feels this so intensely. He and Niall just - they have to be in each other's lives, tomorrow can't be the last day. "Whatever happens, I won't. This won't be, like. Our last day."

"Better not," says Niall, and kisses him again.


End file.
